Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
420 ftw
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
