yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
