Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Alive.
So much puke
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
