meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
