I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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