After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
