he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
