I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
