shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
