operation harelip BJ is a go
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's never too late to be topless.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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