I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
