Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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