remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
