Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
