I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize
