I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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