I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
