guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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