i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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