Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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