I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
