rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
