He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
