you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
