oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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