Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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