As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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