I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
