there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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