I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
