Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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