I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
