So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he shaved USA in his pubs
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
