The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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