I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
