what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
