i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
