so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
