oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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