i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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