Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
