I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
