How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
