you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
