I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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