His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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