I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
