I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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