The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
