If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
