So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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