video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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