Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
