I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
