you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Randomize
