this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
please don't ironically join a cult
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