I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
