i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
