At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
