i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Panties = found
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
