Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
