Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
