Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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