Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
