Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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