it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
