I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
