Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
