Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
