I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
