he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
