The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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