To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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