I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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