youre lurking in front of me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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