I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
